I had fun basing the structure around the well-known fairy tale 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves'.
I hope you enjoy it.
Still can’t believe it! It’s a bit like a bloody fairy tale really. We finally got our break in show biz!
It’s like this. We’re a rock band. Been together since we were kids I guess. Call ourselves ‘Precious Little’. There are seven of us. Peewee plays drums, Shortie, Squirt and I are on guitar. Pip’s the sound and light man and The Runt and Derr-Brain are the roadies. We were playing regular gigs around the inner city pub circuit. Anyway, we thought we’d need a base near town so we rented an old terrace house in Fitzroy, owned by a renovator. He got it for redevelopment, but he ran out of money half way through so we got it at a cheap rent. We dragged our gear in and some mattresses and crashed there after our gigs. The renovator had taken out all the internal walls so there were just two big rooms; one downstairs and one upstairs. We dossed in together upstairs. We’re not pillow biters or nothin’. It was just a matter of convenience. Fitzroy’s a bit rough though. It’s like a jungle, with all the power poles, mobile phone towers and those huge commission flats. Some of the locals are real animals too. Gets pretty ugly at times with the junkies lookin’ for a fix along Smith Street, the bag ladies scrounging in your rubbish bin and the winos flaked in the parks.
Anyway, we’d just played for ‘The Duke’ and we were on a bit of a high ‘cause The Runt had spotted a talent scout from Castle Recordings in the audience. We got home from the gig about three in the morning and we thought we’d cool it with a joint before crashing for the night. Derr-Brain went upstairs to get his stash an’ we just sorta got comfy downstairs waitin’.
The next thing we know, Derr-Brain races back down the stairs so excited you’d think it was his birthday. He said there’s a chick curled up on his mattress upstairs. Out cold.
‘Derr...’ we said, ‘cause we knew his birthday wasn’t for months yet. Anyway we thought we’d go up and have a squiz. It could have been one of those scraggy junkie chicks needin’ to sleep it off. We traipsed upstairs and there she is sleeping on Ol’ Derr’s mattress. Probably about eighteen and pretty if she’d had a scrub up. She looked like she’d been roughin’ it for a few days. A bit too well dressed for a junkie though.
All our noise clumpin’ up the stairs must have disturbed her ‘cause she started to wake up. She opened her eyes and saw our hairy pack standin’ ‘round and nearly had a coughin’ fit with fright. Derr, who probably had a soft spot for her already, sat down and tried to calm her.
‘S’alright luv,’ he says, ‘We won’t eat ya.’
So she takes a puff of her Ventolin and calms down an’ says that she’s run away from home. Said her name’s Rose. But there and then we decided to call her ‘Snow’ on account of her hair. It’s all spiky and she’s bleached the tips. There are so many snowy peaks there it reminds me of the Mount Kosciusko National Park.
Seems Snow’s step-mother’s a bit of a witch. One of those social-climbing bitches from Toorak. She married Snow’s dad a short while ago but is real jealous of Snow. Honest! This woman has her plastic surgeon’s home number on speed dial. she’s so obsessed with her looks. Since she got her talons into Snow’s dad she’s gone troppo to get Snow out of the picture. Was planning to send her off to a posh boarding school but Snow overheard her plans and made a run for it. She’d been roughin’ it in the parks for a few nights and then saw our back window open and thought the place was a squat and came in. Was so tired she just flaked out on Ol’ Derr’s mattress.
Well, we fellas are pretty easy goin’. We said to Snow that if she pulled her weight and got a social security payment we’d let her hang around until she worked out what she wanted to do with her life. She said she’d help out around the place and keep it tidy in the meantime. Well, we weren’t too sure about that. I mean, we kept that place just as we liked it. We didn’t want any bunches of flowers about or stuff like that. But I gotta admit we were all real happy when she went to the laundrette one day and washed all our beddin’. I can’t remember when we ever got around to doin’ that. She even washed the cups and plates in the kitchen before we wanted them and she could cook too!
It’s got so’s we’re happy havin’ her around and lookin’ forward to seein’ her after our gigs. She doesn't mind sleepin’ on a mattress with one of us at night and never complains if we fart under the covers or anythin’. We all have a soft spot for her now.
Then, everythin’ starts to go well with the band. And that bloke from the recording company comes to a few more gigs. Then he comes up to me one night during the break. Hands me a business card with his name, ‘A. Prince, Castle Recordings’, on it in fancy gold writin’.
‘Midge, I want a word with you,’ he says.
‘Yes sir, Mister Prince,’ I says ‘cause I know ya gotta stay sweet with these blokes.
‘I’ve been watching your group for a while now. I like what I see. I’m prepared to offer the band a contract,’ he says. ‘Can I come ‘round to your place tonight and we can do a deal?’
Shit! I was stoked. I told the others and they were really pumped. We decided we’d go straight home after the gig and tell Snow. We’d even let her cook somethin’ for supper.
When we got home Snow’s real panicky. Seems she’s noticed a familiar number plate on a Mercedes nearby and seen her step-mother, heavily disguised in sunnies and scarf, cruising the area. I reckoned she been lookin’ for Snow ‘cause it’s got her in trouble with Snow’s dad for scarin’ his daughter away. After all, he is her dad, right? Anyway, Snow gets so anxious she brings on a bad asthma attack and passes out on the floor. We all stood around wonderin’ what to do. None of us has done First Aid ya know.
‘That’s charmin’,’ I thought. ‘We’ve got Mister bloody Prince arrivin’ any minute! He’s gonna be real impressed about a dead body in the middle of the floor!’
Just then, who should show up? Mister Prince. Well, I know now he’s capable of making executive decisions ‘cause he took charge immediately. Told Shortie to go phone for an ambulance and starts loosen’ Snow’s clothes.
‘Hey this ain't no time for that!’ says Pip.
‘Don’t be stupid,’ he says, ‘I’m giving her CPR.’
He starts to press on her chest and give her mouth-to-mouth. Gee, if I’d known I coulda got the chance at that I might of had a go at First Aid myself.
It certainly did the trick. By the time the ambulance arrived Snow’s startin’ to come ‘round, but they says she’s gotta go to the hospital anyway. Well, before we could finish squabblin’ about who goes in the ambulance with Snow, Mister Prince nominates himself and he’s away. We’re gobstruck.
Seems this was some sorta love at first sight. Amazing what a bit of mouth-to-mouth can do for a relationship! Within a week Snow’s moved in with him but we still see her ‘cause she’s comin’ to the gigs with him. He comes up with a great contract for Precious Little and Snow’s talkin’ about bookin’ us for their weddin’ next year.
Snow got in touch with her dad and found out her step-mother OD-ed on diet pills on the night Snow went to hospital. I reckon that was why she was cruisin’ Fitzroy earlier that day. Gettin’ her supplies. Snow’s dad was a bit cut up to lose a second wife but real happy to have Snow back. He was grateful to the band for takin’ care of her too. It turns out that Snow’s dad is worth squillions. Owns his own computer company or somethin’. Wyatt Software. You coulda knocked us over with a feather when we found out. He contacts Castle Recordings and arranges for our next CD to be promoted and marketed on the internet. Who‘d have thought? In one month we’re minin’ cyberspace!
It just goes to show ya...it takes precious little to make it in show biz.
The End
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